so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
