last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
