i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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