it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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