Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it's like heaven, but drunker
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
