the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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