We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
