He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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