I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
