FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
