I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
