I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
