I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
