We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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