The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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