We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
