So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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