what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
