farters have to be the big spoon...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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