Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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