The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
