I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
