I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
