it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
