Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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