can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
