I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
