God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize