you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
