Even the bartender felt bad for me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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