just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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