that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
