lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
