My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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