do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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