we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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