my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize