You smell like stripper and shame
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
