I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We talked him into tasing himself.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
