We need to rekindle our bromance
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
