A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
