I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
