I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
