if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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