I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
