my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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