Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
