STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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