I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
