Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
