We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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