What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
