What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
