I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
