from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
