Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
