im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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