You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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