I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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