I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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