what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
