Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
