fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
