i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
