3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
