Can i not drive my cunt home
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
