I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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