The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
