he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
