You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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