Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
