apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize