You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you made out with another girl for some wings
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
