I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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