saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
