I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize