I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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