I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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