yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
