I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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