literally had 100 drinks last night.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize
