wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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