my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
