I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
