Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
4 words: hood of his car
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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