Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize