ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
