No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
