you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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