Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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