I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize