ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
