I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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