thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I will pee on everything he values.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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