dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you traded sex for a burrito?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize