You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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