he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
