Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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