so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize