Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
