DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
