Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
