I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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