I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
