nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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